Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
