420 ftw
im holly from the hills drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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