i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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