I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
tell me about the eggs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
