you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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