Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
