Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
