You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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