Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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