the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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