yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My balls are so social today.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
