Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
