I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
