Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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