Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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