If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
