hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
