Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
