The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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