Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
