he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
