dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
