Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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