I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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