I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
