Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
