Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
