Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
