I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
