he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
