We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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