I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
