Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
