do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize