My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she told me i tasted like america
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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