we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
