i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
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