They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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