If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
