Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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