I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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