I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
