i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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