I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
