I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
