just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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