there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize