i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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