Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
time to smoke my breakfast
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
