Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
