remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
