Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
