I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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