And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
