you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
