She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
