Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
