using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize