I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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