may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
