I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
